My Bloody Valentine?

Ah, it’s Valentines day. Absolutely a hallmark holiday, but it could be very easy to get caught up on social media in the barrage of roses and hearts and let your head and heart sink a bit if you’re single. Don’t!

It’s a funny one; because, of course I’d love to share my life with someone wonderful and buy into the cheesy nonsense of the day but it’s also actually almost four years to the day that I packed a bag and left my marriage. I very seldom talk of it because that’s just a bit too intimate for even me to share with the world.

What I will say is that it became unbearable and did a good number on messing my already messy head up even more. It did contribute to the already present undiagnosed Cptsd. It was a long time coming and there was a straw that broke the camels back, so to speak.

That’s not what this post is about though, I’m sitting today celebrating me, myself and I because in four years, my life and self couldn’t actually be any different.
I don’t feel at all like the person who shakily called her parents to get me out of there. I have put in a lot of work and so today, I’m celebrating that.

Of course, living alone gets lonely at times but I have the dogs and am surrounded by ever loving friends and family. I have healthy boundaries and when someone comes along, that’ll be lovely. It’s not really about that though, I don’t need that external validation anymore so I’m going to have a not so humble brag now.

It’s about being proud of overcoming most of the obstacles in my way, it’s about starting from scratch in my 40’s, it’s about finding a new purpose and direction in life, it’s about redefining what I actually want out of life and the people around me.

And even though I couldn’t see a way through anything four years ago, there wasn’t just a path. There was a bloody exciting new motorway to drive on!

I never imagined I’d be giving it big licks on a community radio station every week or be paid for writing. The love of writing began with this very blog as a cathartic exercise to calm my brain down and now I’m going to follow that dream and get paid to do it.

Let’s keep it real though, I still opened the car door and battered my face at the weekend. So; still absolutely ridiculous and unsafe in the real world at times….

My base emotion is no longer just anger and fear; that in itself is life changing. I can guarantee if you’re doing the work right now, realising how much more laid back you become is a great feeling.

Of course, it’s all still a work in progress and there are still curve balls to deal with. Keeping myself on an even keel when my physical health has been playing up since the start of the year has been a challenge. I’m getting there though and I can’t stress enough how much your inner commentary affects the external outcome.

I know what hurdles I still want to jump and posts like this remind me that I can and will do them. I just need to put my mind to it and concentrate on the next step.

I do have my degree in singleness today, that’s OK though. I’m going to see some of my favourite people for some food later instead of sitting alone. I don’t know if this will help or resonate with anyone else but it’s a reminder to keep bloody going. Life can change beyond recognition in a relatively short space of time and if I can do it. So can you.

Keep doing the work and be grateful for everything you have achieved, try not to dwell on the curveballs and always always be kind to yourself first and foremost. You’ll be surprised at what those small things can help you achieve.

Happy Valentines day to everyone and Big love from me 💜